Life as a mom is totally different for me these days. I'm not sure if it is due to being 3 years older and more mature than when my other kids were born or if it is from the natural, unmedicated delivery or even the fact that I'm nursing...but it is definitely different this time around. I feel like I care more (not that I didn't care before!), like I'm more patient with Hogan, like I'm more emotionally connected to him. It is a great feeling but makes me feel so bad that I didn't have this strong of a feeling with the others. It could also be that I know he's our last baby and I am trying to enjoy the whole experience of nurturing him. He's a really good and snuggly baby...so that probably has something to do with it too! I've always tried to avoid spoiling my babies because I'm a selfish mom. I really like and enjoy sleep and I want my kids to sleep on their own, in their own beds. I like to be able to get things done and not have to constantly hold/rock a baby...but it is getting hard with Hogan. I just want to hold and snuggle with him all I can, and he loves it. He loves me, I think I'm his fave, and it is an awesome feeling!
I must add an update to my previous post regarding my labor and delivery experience. Hogan's delivery, although it was super fast and exciting, was the most terrifying thing I had ever experienced (at the time). I can look back now and enjoy reliving it in my mind, but at the time I was completely terrified as it was so fast I couldn't even grasp what was going on, let alone prepare myself mentally for the natural process of childbirth that was taking place whether I wanted it to or not. I was not in control of anything that was taking place. I wasn't pushing on my own will, my body was pushing whether my mind was ready or not...it was crazy!
I also look back and laugh because I had tried to prepare myself as much as I could by reading my natural childbirth book and really trying to understand what emotions and thoughts I would have during this delivery. I wanted to make sure I could keep myself calm and take each contraction 1 at a time...needless to say, that didn't happen. I had taken honey sticks with me that I could eat throughout my labor if/when I needed more energy. I ate them after the delivery ;) I had also downloaded calming childbirth music to my iPod that I didn't get a chance to listen to. Poor Craig, I had questioned him periodically during the last weeks of my pregnancy, making sure he was ready and confident that he could "coach" me through the tough times...I didn't even have the chance to look over at him as my eyes where glued shut and my head was turned in the direction of the nurses...the poor "coach" was ignored!
Of course, being 4 weeks post-delivery, I have forgotten the pain (but remember the intense sense of being traumatized) and am thriving on the tremendous feeling of accomplishment!
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